to write about something serious. I read his new blog and I was like "whoa - this is serious stuff".
I don't think I've written anything serious on here and if I have it may have been once.
So, here's to you V.....
I'm struggling. I cry every night. I have to take Tylenol PM to sleep. Job is stressing me so much my chest hurts. I think about Chad way to much and imagine us doing this and that together. Will our house sell? Will Chad get a job in this freakin horrible economy (is it really horrible or is the media controlling it? maybe a little bit of both) Everyone says it will be worth it....look at the bigger picture. Yes I can see the bigger picture. I'm great at visualizing. I obsess over it actually. But it is not changing the here and now. And the worrier in me even thinks, what if I lose my husband before "his time" and I have to spend the rest of my life without him. Like, what if God is trying to prepare me because we won't be together for much longer. If I even think too hard about that I start to wig out. No joke. I start crying and panicking and everything. This is where my mind is going way too often and I can't stop it. And right now I have a lump in my throat and a knot in my tummy. Today, I thought - how much more of this can I take? I mean, people have to go through much worse than this all the time - like army wives. I could never be one of those. Of course, you are thinking "yeah but you are at the beach." Yeah. I am. But, it seems empty without the person I'm supposed to be sharing my life with. Sharing. Together.
And now, I feel bad that I just spilled my feelings. Boo woo poor pitiful me.
Maybe I need medication. Or maybe I need to post on this thing more. My friend Christine calls it free therapy. But then, do I really want people to know what I'm really thinking?
I THINK not.
V, this was a bad idea.
4 comments:
its never a bad idea to vent.....to get out what's eating you from the inside.
I mean, no one look's pretty when they throw up. and to see what just came out of you sometimes is pretty revolting. but you always feel better with it on the outside then deep in your heart.
it is therapy girl and harmless at that. as only people who love you are the only ones that matter who read this.
just relax and breathe.....thing's are going to great for you to not realize how blessed you are.
oh and another thought. sure people have to deal with "tougher" stuff all the time. but just becuase it doesnt seem like a big deal to someone else, doesnt change how real it feels to you. everyone's problems are real to them.
you know Chad's here for you, as am i.
sorry to put you into a tailspin...lol
J, I knew u seemed 2 be holdin it 2gether awfully well. This is a hurdle that you WILL GET OVER. It may not seem like it now, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
Keep sharing your feelings. I love you!!!
You are one of the strongest and bravest people I know. I live vicariously though you too... :)
Sorry you've got these feelings now - we all do at some time or another. I know that it will all work out. I have faith that it will. I believe in you and your incredibly plunky spirit. I love you!
I applaud you for putting it out there! SOmetimes you need to hear that you are loved, that you matter and that you have the support of so many people to lean on to get through difficult times...and by writing it down here those who care about you can read it and give you the stregnth you need without ever saying it out loud. So yes, I do think it is free therapy. :) Jamie, I know you. I sat next to you every day for almost 2 years. I know you are strong and you will get through this. Every now and then we must endure some hardship to appreciate the gifts we have in life! I am here for you and I love you!
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